.: I should probably stay away from the mySpace.
Apparently, I have this very bad habit of occasionally filling out the survey/bulletin things. Aside from the fact that it increases my pointless bandwidth footprint (which is large enough, thanks to this site), it seems that I am very, very crass.
Which wouldn't be a problem if I remembered the sorts of things that I write down as answers. I am oblivious to what I respond with. I go full bore stream of consciousness when I jot down my quick answers to ridiculous questions. And they're good answers. Funny even, since people like to call me or email me with comments in regards to them, and they all seem to be amused.
Example: Q. Sweats or Jeans? A. I sweat trying to get into her jeans. The fat whore.
What the fuck is that about?
But I'm glad that I'm amusing someone. Even if it means that my 14 year old niece feels the need to scold me while she giggles at my answers. Even if it means that the pope will excommunicate me again this year, even though it's only February and I remain purely a Catholic by birth. Even if it means that a glance at the survey will cause spontaneous vomiting and bleeding eyes in members of the Second Life Wiccan community, and stigmata in household pets.
Enjoy.
ARE YOU…
1. Perfect? I am fucking incredible. Which doesn't really answer the question. So I guess not.
2. Tall?: Taller. Taller than you, maybe. Not so tall as that guy, though.
3. In your pajamas?: I have no pyjamas, I sleep in some dingy pair of short that occasionally try to escape.
4. Left handed? Left handed people are evil bastards and fornicate succubi in drunken orgies while farm animals and senior citizens look on whilst chewing cud.
God I wish I was left handed.
LAST:
1. Friend you saw: Tara.
2. Talked to on the phone: Some bitch who thinks that her house is "freezing to death" and got mad when I explained that her house can't literally freeze to death, being a collection of inanimate objects and items thrown together to shelter and amuse her, and that said collection would be warmer if she paid her bill. People who don't pay their bills don't get to bitch like that. You got no money? I can understand that, believe me when I say this. But you got to get your shit in the proper perspective when you call the guy who can get you heat. (Shit, I don't have heat in the office, and this is what we do!).
3. Person to text you: I don't know. Shelly or Andi.
4. Was today better than yesterday? Not so far.
FAVOURITES:
1. Number: 42. No explanation necessary.
2. Colour(s): Purple, yellow and black. And fuck you, black is a color. Ask the people at the DMV. Of course, the boy genius in me disagrees. Which is why I don't let him take these fucking surveys with me.
3. Fruit: Lemon.
4. Place: Wherever I am when Angela is there. God, I really miss my kids.
QUESTIONS & ANSWERS:
Q: What was the first thing you did this morning when you got up?
A: Insulted the Queen of England in a tirade that would make a trucker with tourettes blush. Then I wondered what the fuck I was talking about and went back to bed.
Q: Do you have anything bothering you?
A: Yeah. You. You're bothering me. And I will kick your ass for it someday.
Q: What's the last movie you watched in theaters?
A: Cloverfield.
Q: Where is the last place you went?
A: In my pants. Because I was so busy answering this, that I forgot that I needed to go.
Q. Do you smile a lot?
A: No.
Q: Do you wish upon stars?
A: Yes.
Q: Are you a friendly person?
A: No.
Q: Where did you sleep last night?
A: Beneath the pines, beneath the pines, where the sun never shines, i shivered the whole night through.
Q: Why did you sleep there?
A: Fuck. You got me. Okay, i fucking lied.
Q: When was the last time you cried?
A: Last night (well, two nights ago now). But it was just a tear. got it yawning.
Q: What was your last thought before going to sleep last night?
A: Me no sleep last night.
Q: Rate life as of right now one being bad ten being great?
A: 8/2
Q. What do you hear right now?
A: Deadbolt. "One day I'll swing where the little birdies sing."
Q: Does anything hurt right now?
A: Like you fucking care. You fucking hypocritical lice ridden rat sucking mother fucking bastard.
Q: What's your favorite month?
A: April. Because it's the cruelest month. Yes, I've read a poem.
Q: What did you do last night?
A: Worked at KOSCO. Which meant working on my website, getting some writing done, and listening to bastard shitting fucks whine about how they have no heat because they ran out of oil from a lack of money to pay bills with, and then they whine and yell, when they should be kissing a little ass. You're not permitted to feel righteous with someone you owe over a thousand dollars to for the right to kill the planet burning fossil fuels you whining fucking baby. Get a fucking solar panel or freeze, because you won't get any oil from me with that fucking diva attitude.
EIGHT EMOTIONS:
1. Are you missing someone right now?: I miss my 'wife' and kids.
2. Are you happy?: No. Besides missing people, I'm stuck at work in the cold with only this bulletin survey to entertain me whilst I await the relief.
3. Are you sad?: Yes. But I still touch myself anyway.
4. Are you bored?: Apparantfuckingly
6. Are you nervous?: Like a chihuahua. No.
7. Are you single?: No? Yes.
8. Are you tired?: Fucking-A right I am.
ABOUT YOU:
001. Real name?: Armand Henri Internets Charpentier 2.0
002. Nick name?: Mondo O'Toole
003. Eye color?: Brown
004. Zodiac sign?: Cancer
005. Male or female?: Male
008. Slut?: I could be, but who needs that kind of responsibility?
009. Smart?: I'm a fucking genius, baby. And this is what I do with it. So maybe not.
010. Hair color?: Brownlike.
011. Long or short?: Yes.
013. Sweats or Jeans?: I sweat getting you out of your jeans you fat whore.
014. Phone or Camera?: I have both onight, and in separate units.
016. Drink or Smoke?: Like a mother fucker. But not often.
020. Tattoos?: De plains!
021. Righty or lefty?: I can play the piano with my cock. . . just, you know not very well.
FIRSTS :
024. First best friend?: Chris something.
025. first crush?: Jennifer Wasserman. I fucking loved her. I was like, seven or something.
026. where did you go?: In Jennifer Wasserman's closet, and in my shorts. Fucking premature ejaculation. I was like, seven or something.
027. First pet?: Aside from the dog my mom killed when I was away at camp, I had a rat named Wanda.
028. First big vacation?: Virginia to fool around with some girl I met on the netweb.
CURRENTLY :
049. Eating?: A salad.
050. Drinking?: Diet Pepsi
052. I'm about to: Get the fuck out of work.
053. Listening to?: Pandora.
054. Plans for today?: Sleep, read and kill someones pet while it sleeps.
WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX?
068. Lips or eyes?: Lips.
070. Shorter or taller?: Shorter
072. Romantic or spontaneous?: Romance
073. Nice stomach or nice arms?: belly
074. Sensitive or loud?: loud, but not in a really fucking irritating way
075. Hook-up
or relationship?: relationship,
HAVE YOU EVER :
079. Drank bubbles?: All the time.
080. Lost glasses/contacts?: Yeah, bitch still can't see.
081. Ran away from home?: Yah
084. Broken someone's heart?: Yah
085. Been arrested?: never convicted.
DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
089. Yourself?: More than I believe in you. But it's a quantum thing.
090. Miracles?: Yeah, but it's a quantum thing.
091. Love at first sight?: Sure, why the hell not.
092. Heaven?: Not in a traditional sense.
093. Santa Claus?: Sure.
094. Love?: Yes.
095. Kiss on the first date?: If I can get my face between her thighs, I will.
ANSWER TRUTHFULLY :
097. Do you like someone?: A couple of people.
098. Are you seriously happy with where you are in life?: I'm not upset.
099. Do you believe in God?: Not in a traditional sense.
100. Post as 100 Truths… Sure. Ass.
.: My gateway to the worlds wides webs seems to be flaky. I will bitch about this in every post until it is resolved.
Like
I seem to get an inrodinate amount of feedback on those silly little things as well. Including on the very one you’ve reprinted above. Goes to show you easily amused and or appalled people can be.
Yeah I don’t really get an inrodinate amount of feedback.
I get an inordinate amount.
I get at inrodinate amount of sex.