.: Almost 6 am.
Almost time for the masses to join me here at work. It was quiet last night, and that was a good thing. I got next to no sleep yesterday, due to a number of events, only one of which can easily be remedied.
On the way home, down the thruway at 75mph, I noticed that the left rear tire was disintegrating as I drove. It was as if Boba Fett himself had mistaken me for Han Solo, and chose to ignore Darth Vader's command about disintegrations.
Leave it to me to throw a Star Wars reference in here.
So I went and got new rear tires for the Beast (which is a BSG ref), and had them put the semi-good tire on the spare which had been previously shot before I took the car. Then I went home and tried to sleep.
The phone would not stop ringing. First the house phone, then my cell phone. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. It was obvious that someone was really trying to get a hold of me, and as I lurched out of bed, I swore under my breath that it had better be for a good reason.
It wasn't good. But it was valid.
And I wish it wasn't.
A good friend's father died. Gantor was trying to get a hold of me to break the news. Gantor is a very firm believer in supporting folk at times like these, and she's right to believe it. I called another mutual friend who was at the hospital with my friend. They were going out to her sisters, and I spoke with her briefly on the phone and said I was sorry.
Which I shouldn't have said. I should have said "That sucks", Gantor said. And she's right, and I knew it before she said it, knew it before I said it, though it didn't stop me from saying it.
How many times will she hear someone say "I'm sorry," over the next few days.
A lot.
But at the same time, I was sorry. Sorry because it does suck. And no amount of belief in a "better place" or belief that we do go on in some way can take away the heartache of losing a loved one. I know this. And so do most of you.
It sucks.
I didn't get much sleep after. I'm going home today and crashing hard and long, so that I can be sure to get less sleep after today so that I can be there if my friend needs me.
Because, it sucks.
AB
at the job and waiting to leave
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