Monthly Archive for April, 2009

Two minutes to midnight. 2009-04-30 Twitters.

  • Good morning, Fucking Internets. House internets came back to life last night. Which sends me the negative message that threats get it done. #
  • Note: Ivy on the facebook. Asking me to stop cursing is akin to having me cut my tongue out. Then I’d be all: “Gah bah fuh muh fuh!” No fun. #
  • I’m feeling much better today. Which is good news for me, bad news for the rest of you mother fuckers. Well, some of you. Alright, just you. #
  • I just told kid to call the kids teasing her: “racist inbred weasel-shit eating cocksuckers with too much time on their hands” #badrolemodel #
  • I need to hire a bully at her school. What’s the going rate for bullies? In my day it was a comic, five cigarettes and a twinkie. #inflation #
  • Starting to feel blech. Kid’s mother solution (call school) probably better than mine. My solution is funnier though. #isayfuckalot #mkotb #
  • Home. Home Internets all better. Have installed xampp on my laptop so I can work the wordpress before working the wordpress. Undead install #
  • I’ve done so much work to get nowhere. So, I’m done working on these fucking, shitty internets for the week. Gonna get ready for sleep, now. #
  • My next tweet is number three thousand. Wow. You know what it’s going to be, this time of night, don’t you? Nothing wise or witty here. Nope #
  • Goodnight, Fucking Internets. I’m off to bed, to dream of knife-fighting monkeys, and to try and get some big sleep. #fuckinginternets #3000 #
  • Goodnight, Fucking Internets. I am off to sleep and dream of sunshiney magical unicorn happiness and knife-fighting monkeys. La vie @Aluciel #
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Two minutes to midnight. 2009-04-29 Twitters.

  • Good morning, Fucking Internets. Unlike @notangrybob I’m at work. Like him, I’m not dressed yet either. #ohyesiwentthere and I did it my way #
  • I am mentally glitching today. Brain stuck in neutral. This would be a good day to do fucking nothing at all. Instead, I’ll just dance a bit #
  • Grrrrrr. Still feel crappy. Kid wants pick-up from school. I want a fucking cigarette. Grr. Gnash! Gnash! Pthhhppppp :p #immatureattimes #
  • Fucking house internets still down. Fucking internets. Time Warner coming tomorrow. Will need to load guns, sharpen knives. #
  • You know, I should have guessed that tweeting “the Stand” by Stephen King in honor of the flu would get me followed by the books characters. #
  • Fucking Internets. #fuckinginternets #
  • Just watched baseKetball with kid. I don’t know if it’s worse attemping to explain the innuendos, or knowing that she got it before she asks #
  • Had stressed out meltdown earlier. Mild lunatic ravings. All better now. Time Fucking Warner had better have my Fucking Internets fixed. #
  • Oh, and Chris, I requested you. So see what you can do about that, huh? You know that I know where you live, cable guy. #fuckinginternets #
  • That’s not a threat. Just a fact. I know where you live. Because, hey! We’re cool like that. When I want to threaten you, I’ll just do it. #
  • Like this: “Mother fucker! If my kid can’t get on the YouTube, I’ll get charming on your ass!! Wheres my fucking internets at, bitch!?” See? #
  • Oh, and yes, we’d love to have you over for supper sometime soon.

    Seriously.

    Bitch.

    Too bad you don’t twitter. I’m missing y … #

  • Fuck. Late. #
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Two minutes to midnight. 2009-04-28 Twitters.

  • Good morning, fucking Internets. I am alive thanks to billions of years of natural selection along branches that led to me and to my coffee. #
  • Speaking of coffee. More. Yes, fucking more. Fucking coffee. Fucking now. #
  • http://twitpic.com/45ily – This is not coffee. It’s Shit concentrate #coffeemasochist #
  • Ah, nothing like reading “25 years of hits” in reference to the Beastie Boys to make me realize, not as young as I feel. Fucking internets. #
  • I would still love to know why all Dead Kennedys songs on Last.fm are played at 45rpm. Also, why are they using vinyl and a turntable? #F’nI #
  • BlackBerry about to die. Did not charge last night. Charger port screwy. Fucking BlackBerry charger port. Will stay with fucking internets a #
  • Why am I “roaming” on my phone at my desk? Fucking internets. Has to be. The. Fucking. Internets. #fuckinginternets #
  • Got home a wHile ago. Did the fucking lawn. Took down the Christmas lights (quiet you!) And started Operation: Lagoon (pool) Clean Up. #busy #
  • Also, set BlackBerry up Just Right so that it would charge. Now I am enabled again with Fucking Internets. I. Am. Enabled. #fuckinginternets #
  • Maryellen just cleared a whole lot of shit from my house, pulled a tick from her niece’s head and singlehandedly fought off the swine flu. #
  • My head hurts. I may have swine flu. Or wild boar flu. Yeah. I have fucking wild boar flu. I can feel it in my fucking tusks, man! Ah, yeah! #
  • Fucking house Internets hosed. I accuse you, Time Fucking Warner. I may have to just eat dinner and go to bed early if its not unhosed soon. #
  • Yeah. I think coffee, shower, and fucking bed. I may shave. I may not. I think I’ll save the shave for a special occasion. Heh #savetheshave #
  • It’s ten o’clock. Do you know where your children are? I do, and now I’m off to coffee and shower. Will not fucking shave yet. #savetheshave #
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Two minutes to midnight. 2009-04-27 Twitters.

  • Good morning, fucking Internets. Whichever of you slipped me that nightmare with the weasels, whores and military action in Kingston? Thanks #
  • Let’s say that I’m pleased to have woken up with all of my fingers.
    Wasted 10 minutes looking for my gun. Realized I don’t really own one. #
  • However, up late. My job would probably like it if I were to show up at some time this morning. I would like it if their coffee wasn’t shit. #
  • Note: Yes, it’s free coffee. However, it’s purpose seems to be more about productivity than altruism. Altruistic coffee would taste nice. #
  • You get more flies with a good roast than you do with shit.

    Wait.. That’s not right.

    You know what I mean, you fucking electron … #

  • This is going to be a good week to re-read Stepen King’s “The Stand”. #
  • Aroooooooo! Arr! Arrroooooooo! #
  • Ha ha Pruiksma. There is no half and half for you. Biotch. #
  • I’m gonna find something to drink, then I’m gonna grab a smoke. Because that’s how I plan on spending the next ten minutes. Hello @Aluciel #
  • Just ated my sammich. Also my celery and carrots. Saving my apple for mid pm snacky. I’d like to go fucking home now. #
  • It’s far too nice a day to be trapped in this cesspool of mediocrity. Heh I’ve tweeted the word “mediocrity”. Only on the fucking internets. #
  • I’d like to think that on the fucking internets, a bell rings whenever I twoosh. Or whenever I think about sleeping. Stupid hate/need sleep. #
  • Also love. Love/hate/need sleep. Sleep feels good, but takes too much time and fucks with my productive availability. And knife-fight dreams #
  • If anyone is looking for a swarm of bugs, I found them. They’re in Marbletown. And they have also fucking found me. #
  • Sitting outside for my last smoke of the night. Sweating lightly. Realize my lawn looks like shit. Can I just get two more inches of snow? #
  • Ah, never mind. A cold drink of water on a hot day > A hot drink on a cold day. Cooler tomorrow. Fucking better be. #
  • Lunch made, coffee set up. Kid is tucked away for bed. Time to shower and hit the sack myself. Finish watching Chuck. Might start Heroes. #
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Two minutes to midnight. 2009-04-26 Twitters.

  • Alrighty, I’m done. Needs to sleeps. Goodnight, fucking Internets. We’ll see you tomorrow. Wait… it is tomorrow. Fuck. See you later then. #
  • Good morning, fucking Internets. At the cemetary on LI. #
  • Just waiting, now. I guess I’ll be reading the 23rd Psalm. #
  • Done at the cemetary. See you later, Mike. Heading back to Mom’s for post cemetary gathering. #
  • It’s hot in Brooklyn. How’s the rest y’all doing? #
  • My ass is burning, sitting on the stoop, smoking a cigarette. Shit, all I need is a beer and I’m home again. Well, technically, I am home. #
  • My ass is probably blistered. I’m going back inside. #
  • Explaining Twitter to my Aunt Alice. My mother doesn’t get it. She just knows I curse a lot on it. #
  • Home. Cleaned up the house a bit, made lunch for tomorrow and hitting the shower before bed. I am fucking beat to shit. Long day. Blerg. #
  • Goodnight fucking internets. I have nothing to add. Too fucking tired. Also, I have nothing to add. #
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Two minutes to midnight. 2009-04-25 Twitters.

  • Goodnight, you princes of twitter. You queens of the fucking Internets. See you in the ‘morrow. #
  • Huh? Oh, hell. Hatey. Good morning, fucking internets. I is awake, is probably alive. Is on way to work. Is repeating: Huh? Oh, hell. Hatey. #
  • Long day at work. Done. God it’s hot out. Fucking hot. #
  • Apparently, @notangrybob is the @wilw of Yankees baseball. The Red Sox are following and retweeting him. I’m a Mets fan myself. #
  • Has Wired ever done “What’s Inside?” for the Colonel’s secret recipe? If not, why not. Not a big fan of KFC, but I figured no-brainer there. #
  • Chuck is making omlettes for dinner. Late dinner. Fucking hot in my room. AC is on and it’s only fucking April. #
  • I need to be up early to head down to the fucking Metropolitan area. But there’s so much work to be done here. Laundry is the middleman here #
  • Also Tech Support Request: iPod touch won’t turn on. Tried troubleshoot on apple’s support page. Will bring to apple store unless any ideas? #
  • Not much time left before I need to retire my ass for the night. Out smoking another cigarette, then back to working them fucking internets. #
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Two minutes to midnight. 2009-04-24 Twitters.

  • I’m up way too late. But I’ve been gotten some progress on some of my fucking internets, so that’s something. #
  • Goodnight, you fucking internets. You spin me round, round baby, right round like a fucking record baby. #
  • I am the fuck out of here, ladies and gents. I’m heading home, feeling groovy. If shit feels groovy anyway. I feel like shit feeling groovy. #
  • Good morning, fucking Internets. I can’t believe it’s not butter. However I can believe that I don’t want to be here today. #sleepybaby yawn #
  • I just had a real big mug of hot chocolate because the office coffee SUCKS. So, now I’m wired on fucking sugar instead of caffeine. #
  • I wish I had a coffee fairy. *sulk* #followfriday @sleepjunky. She is not a #coffeemasochist #
  • http://twitpic.com/3w0qm – Fuck you, office coffee! #coffeemasochist #
  • If you follow @sleepjunky, follow @bobalert for the daily adventures of her father. #followfriday #
  • I am going to attempt to sneak in some design work today from the awfice. See what I did there? I fucking mashed awful and office together! #
  • For ZING BOOM, follow @Aluciel. #followfriday #
  • Ahh! Back from Hess, with a 24oz Dunkin’ Donuts coffee. Not grand (or grande, you Starbuck drinking heathens), but it’ll fucking do for now. #
  • I just ate a Chicken Ceasar Salad for lunch, tried to sell a water heater and got questioned about my constant use of the word “fuck”. Busy. #
  • Also gained 6 followers recently today. Hello @sktrthtr @jesus_toast @internetgurl @Kathy_Writer @urbanhipster @stevee43 Note: #isayfuckalot #
  • God bless that @muttnik, he understands my #fuckinginternets pains. #followfriday #
  • Also, follow @jessnevins (and quickly) for a research dump/lecture on superhero/super human literature. if that’s your fucking thing. #
  • I reached 200 followers on twitter. Choke on that @aplusk! I’m coming for you. Er… Soon-ish. #fuckinginternets #
  • Follow @sunshynegrll I won’t explain why. Just know you should. #followfriday #
  • Follow @notangrybob, who is really not angrybob. He’s a wombat. #followfriday #
  • Follow @ohjoey for pictures of food, a beautiful baby who will grow up before our eyes on twitter, and exploding boobs. #followfriday #
  • Follow @warrenellis if you can handle it. Follow @wilw (but maybe wait until after hockey is done) for… Well, he’s @wilw. #
  • Home. Smoking a butt and getting ready to work some internets. Some fucking internets. Also need to play some with twitter. #
  • I’m down with the sickness. But I’d much rather Rhumba. ♫ http://blip.fm/~4wvpf #
  • I fucking love this little ditty. ♫ http://blip.fm/~4wvyo #
  • Hey @SevenTenths! Also @toosweet4rnr @charleyhorse @angiece @Will_the_bloke @GR8FL @daretoeatapeach @DownLow #f… ♫ http://blip.fm/~4wwn8 #
  • RB @angiece I remember this best as the moment that the Ramones took the stage. ♫ http://blip.fm/~4wxbx #
  • Taking a break from the fucking internets work I’m doing. Outside, smoking. Drinking coffee, listening to teen and preteen girls yammer. #
  • Eating dinner with Maryellen and everyone also with @pipella #
  • 100 Tweets to go until I hit 3000. #
  • Still @ Maryellens. All sorta shits going on. #
  • Home. Bathroom. Shower. I am there. @sktrthtr if you want to see sasquatch pics, check out my twitpic stuff. #
  • I still want that waterproof blipping BlackBerry and I don’t mean fucking when I say blipping. I mean blip.fm #pluggingtheblip #isayfuckalot #
  • Blip.fm where the men are men and the women are women. Unlike in chatrooms, where sometimes the 13 year old girls are men. #fuckinginternets #
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