Monthly Archive for January, 2010

Two minutes to midnight. 2010-01-31 Tweets.

  • I just unlocked the "Crunked" badge on @foursquare! http://4sq.com/bDrukx #
  • Home. Caprica. Bed. (@ Home: Serenity) http://4sq.com/5UpDWW #
  • Goodnight, Fucking Internets. Going to sleep. If you're smart, you'll be nowhere near me when I wake up. #
  • Creating a schedule is a smart idea today because you'll feel … More for Cancer http://twittascope.com/twittascope/?sign=4 #
  • Arrgh. Good morning, Fucking Internets. How many of you are looking for trouble today? Good! You can have mine. #
  • Gas. Coffee. Heading out to Mom's to do some more packing and stuff. (@ QuickChek) http://4sq.com/8PpX77 #
  • Also bringing Blue Harvest and Something Something Something Dark Side to watch while we work. #
  • I'm here @ Momdo's. Just ran a few errands and now I'm out in her yard, smoking, natch. #
  • I'm at Stop and shop ave y (1710 ave y, E 17th street, Brooklyn). http://4sq.com/cGAuc2 #
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Two minutes to midnight. 2010-01-30 Tweets.

  • You are quite sensitive to the movements of the Moon, and toda… More for Cancer http://twittascope.com/twittascope/?sign=4 #
  • Good morning, Fucking Internets. I'm off to work now. In need of coffee. Garrrgh. #
  • This must be the place. Coffee. (@ QuickChek) http://4sq.com/8PpX77 #
  • Been here hours already. Just now had time to check in (@ KOSCO) http://4sq.com/6fNbg7 #
  • Hi! Out of the fucking office, going to pick up Chinese for lunch. The food, not the people. #
  • Picking up lunch for me and the other Galley Slaves (@ Szechuan King) http://4sq.com/8f6GKO #
  • Dear KOSCO Customers: I fucking hate most of you. Please go fuck yourselves with large, sharp objects. That is all. #
  • Leaving work. I feel almost like fucking singing. But I sing a lot anyway. So… But! Out of work! #ftw #
  • Blessed coffee. Evil cigarettes. (@ QuickChek) http://4sq.com/8PpX77 #
  • I'm at gantorNUMBERONE's (, Kingston). http://4sq.com/51pNmi #
  • Whisky. Beer. (@ Snapper Magees) http://4sq.com/9sDvV9 #
  • Coffee again. So I can sleep. (@ QuickChek) http://4sq.com/8PpX77 #
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Two minutes to midnight. 2010-01-29 Tweets.

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Two minutes to midnight. 2010-01-29 Tweets.

  • You are overly sensitive today and may retreat in order to hon… More for Cancer http://twittascope.com/twittascope/?sign=4 #
  • Good morning, Fucking Internets. I'm awake. More because I'm still sick than any other reasons. #
  • Mmm coffee. #
  • Today's T-shirt: Art Bomb, baby! Yeah! Art-deco comic styled bombers dropping teh Bomb! http://tweetphoto.com/9777466 #
  • Useless Trivia: Today's tshirt is the first #shirtwoot I ever done buyed. I have something like 20 now. #
  • I would love to find at least three non-monetary reasons to go to fucking work today. #
  • Okay. Time to drag my ass outta the fucking house. #
  • Coffee. Win. (@ QuickChek) http://4sq.com/8PpX77 #
  • I just bought my "Paul is Trying to Kill Me!" Tshirt and mug @ http://bit.ly/bcrfMP. Should have them next week. #
  • Snow! #fml (@ KOSCO) http://4sq.com/6fNbg7 #
  • Luckily for the kid who went back to bed after I woke her three times this morning before I went to work… School canceled. #
  • The more the service manager Mr. Pruiksma talks, the more I want to hit him. With a stick. Wrapped in barbed wire. With 100,000 volts in it. #
  • He's such a fucking douche, that other douches look at him and say "God damn that guy's a douche!" #
  • Listening to the "Mission of Burma" station on @SlackerRadiohttp://slacker.com/r/4ySR #
  • I'm fucking out. Of. Here. Right. Fucking. … Now. #
  • Whiteout all the way here from work. Put the car in park… Sunlight. Freaky shit. (@ QuickChek) http://4sq.com/8PpX77 #
  • Me and @pipella waiting for @gantorNUMBERONE for tasty intestinal painage. (@ Mid Hudson Buffet) http://4sq.com/aETByi #
  • #24 This Starbuck/Ricky Schroeder thing better end soon. I'd rather have boy-Kim being chased by wolverines in a subway tunnel. #
  • I still have this coffee I got at QuickChek hours ago. I'm gonna drink it. Then go to fucking bed. #
  • Goodnight, Fucking Internets. Goodbye, Mr. Salinger. I still own 7 copies of Catcher in the Rye. Still have not read it. No. Not an assassin #
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Two minutes to midnight. 2010-01-28 Tweets.

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Two minutes to midnight. 2010-01-26 Tweets.

  • Good morning, Fucking Internets. Do you mind explaining what the hell you're doing in my room so early. #
  • Today's t-shirt: Monster Mash-up! Buncha monsters in the shape of a SKULL! Kids loves it! http://tweetphoto.com/9558288 #
  • 45 minutes in the shower, and I feel no better than I did an hour ago. Cleaner! But no fucking better. #
  • Wow am I full of drag-ass again this morning. Also, Chuck's alarm going off suspiciously early for a Monday. Dah dah dah dummm! #
  • Yeah. Still don't wanna get up and/or get moving. Fucking lame. #
  • Okay. Heading on down to that little fucking hell I call "My Job". Today, we slaughter baby animals! #
  • Coffee. (@ QuickChek) http://4sq.com/8PpX77 #
  • Here at work. Haven't set fire to anything. Yet. (@ KOSCO) http://4sq.com/6fNbg7 #
  • I work at one of the largest Day-Care centers in Ulster County. Because all the employees are treated like children by fucking upper mgmt. #
  • Still here. Have been severely irritated by Upper Management Douchebag types. Ready to set fire to my desk. That is all. (@ KOSCO) #
  • I just became the mayor of gantorNUMBERONE's on @foursquare! #
  • Picking up @gantorNUMBERONE and her people. (@ gantorNUMBERONE's) #
  • I just became the mayor of Home: Serenity on @foursquare! http://4sq.com/5UpDWW #
  • Home. Have the kid. Kids. Have the little on for a bit too. Hoorah for adorable mayhem and disaster. (@ Home: Serenity) #
  • Rhumba time! Also, Anxious Mofo and Ex Lion Tamer time. Mike Watt. And it's like, video too. Because some … ♫ http://beta.blip.fm/~jrevc #
  • Hah! Great cover of Too Drunk to Fuck! Thanks! @daretoeatapeach: "#<3<3 rb @sundaesunday" ♫ http://beta.blip.fm/~jrf6z #
  • Back over to @gantorNUMBERONE's for dinner. Josh is here! (@ gantorNUMBERONE's) http://4sq.com/51pNmi #
  • RT @cellach: will the corporations that donate to federal campaigns have to prove citizenship? is there such a thing as an american corp.? #
  • Playing this for the kid who just said she wanted to live on Mars. Yeah. My kid. ♫ http://beta.blip.fm/~jrud5 #
  • Nice. Have I said how much I love this shit? Obits – Two Headed Coin ♫ http://beta.blip.fm/~jrv30 #
  • Hello @Aluciel @CargoCulte @clarkowitz @DearPrudns @ladypn @SylentSyd @briangreene and the rest of you cat… ♫ http://beta.blip.fm/~jrv7y #
  • Hey @Aluciel! ;) RB @Aluciel: "HEY @angrybob! ^_^" ♫ http://beta.blip.fm/~jrvdt #
  • I thought I felt a presence, @Shukitty. I assumed it was Obi-wan Kenobi! My bad! Doing well! Thanks re: th… ♫ http://beta.blip.fm/~jrw2s #
  • A fun song. A fun title. Silkworm – A Cockfight of Feelings. ♫ http://beta.blip.fm/~jrw8s #
  • I'd hire them to watch my kids. Well, your kids maybe. Alright, but I'd let your kids listen to this. ♫ http://beta.blip.fm/~jrwdh #
  • Not Great? ♫ http://beta.blip.fm/~jrwjj #
  • Ah. Good, Not Great! ♫ http://beta.blip.fm/~jrwpi #
  • "This time it's you on which the fire feeds. Fire feeds." Mission of Burma – Wounded World: for tonight's … ♫ http://beta.blip.fm/~jrx68 #
  • "This time it's you on which the fire feeds. Fire feeds." Mission of Burma – Wounded World: for tonight's … ♫ http://beta.blip.fm/~jrx80 #
  • Goodnight, Fucking Internets. Good work, sleep well. I'll likely kill you in the morning. #
  • And if you want a bedtime story, I wrote a mildly disturbing #MicroFiction at http://angrybob.ill-literati.org #
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A Steampunk Tale of the Gay 90’s

This entry is part 13 of 13 in the series Micro-Fiction

But for a nervous twitch, the Inventor sat quietly as the Gentleman slowly browsed the showroom floor, casually looking over each of the brass and steel Automech.  Occasionaly, he would stop and study one a little closer, rocking back and forth heel to toe as he puffed his large–and especially offensive–cigar.

“This one,” he said as he peered close into the glass eyes of the six foot, man-shaped figure.  “Tell me what it’s good for.”

“Ah!  That’s Champ.  Champ can do small chores around the house.  He can bring the paper in. He’ll announce visitors when you’re home, and frighten away burglars when you’re not. He’s good with children, other Automech and household pets. He’ll even feed himself coal when his boiler is cooling down.”

“That’s all?” the Gentleman said. “Says here on the card that he’s good for the wife.”

“Well,” the Inventor said with a slight blush. “He has an attachment, for the hysterical wife.”

“The hysterical wife? What sort of attachment…”

The inventor removed the attachment from the case and snapped it into place. The Gentleman’s eyes grew wide.

“Oh. I see. But what’s that larger attachment? Surely not…”

“Heavens no!” the Inventor said. “That attachment snaps into place at the wrist, for steaming dishes clean and removing wall paper.”

“Dishes and wallpaper, eh? Well, I’ll tell you what, sir. Remove fifty dollars from this price and I’ll take him!”

Two days later, the Inventor was reading the daily paper when he noticed the story about a gentleman who had somehow managed to be killed in some strange home misadventure. Apparently, he had somehow boiled his bowel and intestine from the inside out.

“Back to the drawing board,” the Inventor said.

Yes. I’m clever. And disturbed. Disturbed and clever. The Gay 90’s! Get it? And also: the thing on the Hysterical women? Sadly, the concept was believed true then… look it up. Easy to imagine a steampunk view of that. Just be careful which attachment you use.

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